“Regardless of anyone’s dietary motivations, the healthiest lifestyle is the one that’s most compassionate.”

— Steve-O

The truthest of truths from none other than Steve-O. Yep, you read that right. Anyway, another truth? Whoever came up with pesto is a god. This is a fact. Whoever first decided to make it with chickweed…also a god.  

Forget everything you know about pesto. You don’t know jack unless you’ve made pesto with chickweed pulled from the earth yourself. It sounds harsh, but this is absolute. When I’m picking the chickweed, Basil comes crawling over like, “What about me? You’re forgetting me!” and I’m all, “Get outta the way, Basil, geesh. I don’t need you! I don’t want you.” You might be asking, “Why chickweed?” That’s so weird, it’s…a weed! Yes I know, but I will seriously be cultivating it henceforth my friends. Here’s Bob, cultivating chickweed with me. Or maybe he’s just laying there watching me…

Chickweed pesto is the best thing I’ve ever had in my entire life. This is not a joke or an over inflation. It would absolutely be my last meal on Earth. I dreamt about it last night. I’ve been in complete distress about what to do when winter hits and I no longer have access to the weedy greens. Is there a chickweed farm somewhere on this planet? Can I buy it and have it shipped to me? These are questions that surely need answering if I am to calm myself of my pesto craze before the snow flies. 

I made it again the other night and literally hid the evidence so my brother wouldn’t find out and eat it all. He’s a man obsessed too. It’s all he talks about now. Unfortunately, he asked what I had for dinner and I couldn’t lie because you know I am the world’s worst liar. You guys, the boy flung off his shoes and ran to the kitchen…where he proceeded to eat my beloved chickweed pesto.

There is something so incredibly earthy about this pesto. Here’s the best way I can describe it. Okay, so you know when you buy the seriously horrendous pre-ground nutmeg in those little spice bottles at the supermarket? Make it the value brand too. Okay, now remember the first time you tried freshly ground nutmeg? From an actual little nutmeg pod (who knew right)? All other pestos = value brand pre-ground nutmeg. Chickweed pesto = nutmeg freshly ground by the divine hands of Santa Marta (patron saint of cooks). Yep, that’s about all you need to know. Also, if you’ve never had freshly ground nutmeg….OH MY GOD, stop buying the pre-ground stuff already. I know, I know, I’ve totally been there but if there’s one spice you must, must, must grind yourself surely it is nutmeg. Everyone knows that, I’m not just being bossy. I swear. Okay, maybe a little bit. Sorry.

So gracefully make your way, nay, run outside and gather up all the goddamn chickweed you can people! You’ll need less than you think. Four cups is essentially four handfuls. Find it wherever you can. Your neighbors will love your for weeding their garden, no need to even ask. It likes to grow in moist soil and/or shady areas, especially places that have been tilled, like gardens (according to my Dad). I harvest it from a part of my yard that was tore up by tire tracks this spring (not by me). 

And now, because I feel I must…please make sure you know what you are harvesting. If you’re unsure, don’t be a dolt and eat it (like me). Here’s a link to all things chickweed. Also, be sure to wash it real good…erm…especially if you have furry animals around. 

Full disclosure: You may hate this. Wait, wait! Only if you’re pretty indifferent to pesto to begin with (like Todd). Then don’t even go here, this is some hardcore pesto. Todd told me it tasted like a freshly cut lawn and he’s weirded out by the fact that I got it from the yard. He’s wrong though, don’t listen to his lies. It’s heaven on Earth. 

Pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and walnuts lend a softer richness than the usual pinenuts. Plus, you won’t go broke making this pesto. Miso and soy sauce are added for complexity and really bring this pesto to the next level with a boost of umami flavor! 

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